Yesterday was a good and exciting day! Holly, my cousin, is expecting her second child in February and I went with her for an ultra-sound. We got to see little Ben in 4D and it was truly incredible. It makes me realize how special and short life can be. Thank you Holly for bringing joy into my life for a day! I love you.
Today...not so good. I 'm sitting at the computer, balling my eyes out for no special reason other than I miss Barrier so bad I don't know what do do! Sounds come out of me that I've never heard before and it scares me. Today is Friday and I don't care. I've now been without him for 1 month and 9 days and I have no idea what I have done in this period of time. I doubt my sanity and my memory sometimes and days seem to run together. I miss him so bad it hurts and day-to-day activities don't count without him here. I've been told that I need to "find balance" in my life again but I'm having a very hard time doing so. My life doesn't seem like it's ever going to be balanced again without him. How do I find balance when the only thing I need to "balance" me is Bear? I hate this. Barrier is gone and I realize that to a certain extent but I still feel like I'm waiting on him to come home. He's suppose to be here...with me. I can't believe it's already December. I feel like I've left him behind somewhere and I need to go back and get him so he can "celebrate" the holidays with me. What am I going to do?????????
