I can't believe it's already February!!! So much has happened since my last blog post. After Barrier's death I knew in my heart that I did not want to stay in our home...not without him. As much as I absolutely love this house we have made a home and this wonderful neighborhood where I am constantly surrounded by my best friends in the world, I can't do it. I want this house to remain full of great memories of Bear and I don't want to make new memories here if he's not included.
So, with that being said, I decided to sell. I have prayed, pondered and cried over this decision and worried myself sick if I was making the "right" move. Then Megan and Josh Williamson contacted me about the house and the rest is history. Before I could even put it on the market it was sold! Like in a week, literally! I knew in my heart that this must be a sign from above :) I am scared and very sad but I feel this decision is the right one for me at this point in my life. My last day at 136 Crossland Road will be Sunday, February the 12th. In two weeks! My feelings are all over the board and I know it will only get tougher as the days wind down. My heart skips a beat every time I think of leaving this place. I had to let him go three months ago (still feels like yesterday) and now I am having to say goodbye to our home and our wonderful life we built together. I am still angry with the situation but more than anything, I am sad.
I don’t understand or like my relationship with God right now because it’s very inconsistent. My faith comes and goes on a daily/hourly basis and sometimes I believe and sometimes I don’t. The last three months of my life have been a roller coaster ride through hell with very few moments of peace and solitude and I still have a very long road ahead of me to say the least. I do know one thing that I have faith in and that is friends! You know who you are and you know how much each of you mean to me (and meant to Bear). I can not begin to thank you for all you have done for me and continue to do on a daily basis. I have the most FABULOUS angel in heaven but I have so many here on earth! Ya’ll have been a guiding light for me through this difficult time in my life and I want all of you to know that I will always be here for you. It’s amazing where you find your strength when you don’t think you have any left...and for that I will always be thankful.
