Fried Chicken Sunday’s

Who am I today? Today I am living. Living without Barrier on our “fried chicken” Sunday. For those who knew us (from back in the day), we always ate fried chicken and lounged around on Sunday’s. Periodically we would ride to the farm for the afternoon but today I am going to do neither. Because that was “our” thing and it’s just me now. I have to find a way to create my “today’s”. That seems impossible but I realize that I have to live. Easier said than done.The most realistic attitude for me to have toward the future is “it will be interesting to see what happens.”
I don’t know what “stage” of grief I’m in BUT I do know this one sucks! I feel as though I’m simply existing. I’m a control freak and right now I can’t control anything and I feel defeated! I have very few moments of clear peace and I struggle through those. I live minute-by-minute and the only thing I know for sure is that I’m confused and unable to grasp reality. I read somewhere to “Accept what is. That is what is required. Accept reality as reality is to me now. Don’t fight a fact, deal with it” I’m trying, but it’s hard. I don’t want to accept the fact that the love of my life is gone forever. I am nothing without you.

What is clear to Thee….please make clear to me!!!

I will try to remember:It’s impossible…All things are possible
I’m too tired…I will give you rest
Nobody love me…I love you
I can’t figure this out…I will direct you
I can’t go on…My grace is sufficient
I can’t do it…You can do all things
I’m not able…I am able
It’s not worth it…It will be worth it
I can’t forgive myself…I forgive you
I can’t manage…I will supply all your needs
I’m afraid…I’ve not given you fear
I’m worried…Cast all your cares on Me
I’m not smart…I will give you wisdom
I’m depressed…I am your stronghold
I’m confused…I will guide you into truth
I am weak…I am mighty
I am weary…Do not give up
I have no peace…I will guard your heart
I am in trouble…I will deliver you
I’m brokenhearted…I will heal you
I can’t find you…Seek with all your heart
I am sinful…Sin will not master you
I am anxious…Give me your anxiety
I need counsel…I will instruct you
I am tempted…Resist the devil